Schoolyear has started again and I'm now in my final year of Artschool and then off to university (finally).
I've got a lot of old and new works to upload, but for some reason I can't seem to make the time because I'm thinking what's the point? Well still I will start posting again in the next few days or not who knows...
Oh yeah and my personal life, well lets not bore anyone with that shall we ever again!

Gone for almost an entire week to see Paris for a second time for another school trip.
I got to see the most important museums, the Louvre, Centre Pompidou, Palais le Tokyo and so on.
Still for some reason it doesn't have the impact that so many people claim all these places have in general and the works exhibitioned there. Paris in general just disgusts me, if it weren't for my classmates I've would've ended up with a huge depression at the end of the week, well... I am depressed because of what happened the last day.

We stayed at an hotel in Saint Denis, horrid place to be. We our one star hotel with a Dutch class of 14 to 16 year olds.
They made the place look even worse than it already did. At night especially they really got on our nerves, they pissed of the owner, giving us the blame, with succes! Some of us almost got thrown out of the hotel and we had to stay indoors all night and got shouted and screamed at and threatened by the owner... Still we managed to have a fun time inside with lots of alcohol.

So that wasn't to bad but the trip back turned out to be a disaster for me. Everywhere I was very carefull that my stuff wouldn't get stolen or that I got pickpocketed by someone, I even caught some of them in the act. Then on our way back, after we got off the Thalys highspeed train in Brussels and I and some friends went out for a bite in a well overlooked restaurant with camera's and security, my backpack got stolen, while lying under a pile of other lugage. I totally lost it at that point, I went a little beserk and instead of getting some help I got screamed at by some of the bystanders, great...

I looked around of course didn't find anyone who saw someone or was carrying my bag, so I went and reported the theft to the local police. That took about half an hour and I almost missed my train because of it! So what was in the pack? My scetchbook with a weeks work in it... My camera with almost 500 new shots on it, then some presents I bough, my leather jacket and so on...

When my parents found out they almost wanted to kill me it seemed, so now I had to find a vacation job at the last moment, so they won't see my face for the next two weeks and my ordered Pentax refexcamera for my birthday has been cancelled and now I have to pay for it + I need to buy all my drawing equipment myself plus all the rest of what was stolen and I now also have a serious problem concerning school because those sketches I made (about 25) need to be handed in after the vacation for evaluation and grading!! I also have other things to do for school and this point I really don't see how I'm going to manage it all. It is my fault of course that I was careless for a second, but do I really have to get all the blame? Also the chapter concerning my former best friend (see previous journal) isn't closed yet. She also went to Paris and it was impossible to evade her looks of disgust and hatred, wich still hurt, no matter how much I try to not see it and ignore them...

What a great start of my vacation...

More than a month has passed and again a lot has happend and it wasn't pretty. First of all I lost my best (girl)friend. She meant so much to me, but through misunderstanding, lies and lack of trust and my own fucked up mind at the time, destroyed our relationship almost completly.She was very special to me, I tried to always be there for her when I could, I thought our bond would stand through anything and I thought after she promissed me so many times, that we would sort things out together, but now I feel as if she never gave damn about me. It is a long tale and really to fresh and painfull to bring it all up again. I just couldn't fix it, because she didn't want to give me a chance to talk and that really hurt, that and she put me in a very bad light in front of her friends and even her parents, after I spend so much time gaining their trust, now they all hate me. Now after a few weeks of blaming myself and trying to figure out what happened and trying to get information about what she's thinking, I am now more and more starting to hate her. I just feel used and betrayed, it hurts, but it slowly heals, but I still can't let go of that little bit of hope that we can sort things out and maybe become friends again, I do still miss her, but hate her at the same time.

This all happend at a very bad time (always does), trauma's from my past started to come back, friends kept their distance, my parents didn't know what to do and I was barely keeping it together and it was really hard not to let people know what was happening to me. But I found my solution, but I lost a lot of my emotive side in the process, I feel strangely empty especially now that I have lost my best friend and not having anyone around me that really loves me.

At least I can now hold my head up again and pretend that nothing ever happend, but those events really scarred me and have left a permanent mark. I feel unhappy, but at least I can make a smile again and slowly it is becoming real again, I hope...
I just hope things will spiral in a more positive direction from now on and I'm trying my best to steer it into that path...

Wow, my last entry was all back in September 2008.
But who reads these things anyway...
A lot has happened in the past months.
A new year, new friends, new foes, dead relationships...
I've been searching for myself these last couple of months and ended up more confused than ever about so many things that I don't even know where to start and I'm not going to post it here either, because I'm not that kind of person that likes to share his inner troubles with complete strangers on the web and who reads my shit anyway.

One thing positive though is that I spend much more time drawing and it's paying off, the only thing I need right now is some encouragement to continue.

Vacation has come to an end! First day school today here in Belgium, terrible getting up so early again, but hey, just trying to make the best of things

Memorable moments from my vacation:
My vacation job ( brought quite alot of money in the bank! )
New friends, met quite a few people in the neighbourhood and further away, opened up some new opportunities and chances!
Made a very special friend, she will be in my heart forever!

And the best of all my two and half weeks of Switserland!
Alcohol, drugs, sex, all round party time! Streetparade 3 days, and some more minor party's.
That was the first week, still some gaps there... The second week I used to explore the Swiss countryside, witch lead to some great photo's, just check the Gallery!

All in all it's back to school for me! At least it's an Art School, so I don't mind going (that much ).